She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
