So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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