You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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