My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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