shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
