Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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