i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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