haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm drive I can fine osifer
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
