so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
this boner is exhausting
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
