Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
