You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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