Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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