After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
