omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
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