As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
