I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
