When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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