Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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