how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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