I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
