all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
