who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
