This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
