between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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