Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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