Quick, to the slutcave!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
