Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
