I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
