We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
