I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
