Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
