i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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