is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
