I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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