my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would fuck him just for his dog
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
