you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
