so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
