thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
