I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
