yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
