You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
