Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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