Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
