Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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