Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
