Actions speak louder than pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
