Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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