I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
