Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
