The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
