She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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