I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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