alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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