If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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