so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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