Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
