You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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