bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
