I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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