Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
