the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
