Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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