Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
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I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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