I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
